Confessions of a Recruiter: Are Your Good Intentions Hurting Your Child's Job Search?

A parent taking over writing their students resume.

As a parent, you’d do anything to see your child succeed. You’ve been their coach, cheerleader, and chief logistics officer for two decades. Now, as they face the daunting world of internships and first jobs, it’s natural to want to step in and pave the way. You see their talent, you feel their anxiety, and your instinct is to help carry the load.

But I need to share something I’ve learned from my 25 years on the other side of the hiring desk, leading talent acquisition for Fortune 500 companies. From a recruiter’s perspective, there is a fine line between helping and hindering. And too often, well-meaning parents cross it.

It comes from a place of love, but what I call “over-helping” can inadvertently signal to employers that your child isn't ready for the professional world. It can undermine their confidence and, most critically, rob them of the chance to build the very skills they need to thrive.

Drawing on my experience as both a recruiter and a career counselor, here are the three most common mistakes I see parents make, and a better way to channel your incredible support.

1. The Ghostwriter: "I'll Just Polish Their Resume..."

• The Mistake: You sit down at the computer and "just help a little" with their resume or cover letter. A few tweaks turn into a complete rewrite. Before you know it, you've crafted a document using language and framing far beyond a 21-year-old's experience. You might even write their follow-up or thank-you emails to ensure they’re “perfect.”

• A Recruiter's Insight: We can tell. Instantly. When a resume is filled with corporate jargon and the candidate in the interview can’t speak to their experience with the same level of sophistication, it’s a massive red flag. It creates a disconnect. We start to wonder, "Who is the real candidate here? And can they do the work on their own?" Authenticity is paramount, and a "perfect" resume that doesn't match the person is anything but authentic.

• Do This Instead: Become a Story Coach, not a writer. Your student has the experiences; they just need help excavating them. Instead of taking the keyboard, ask powerful questions to get them thinking:

  • "Tell me about that project. What part were you most proud of?"

  • "What was the biggest challenge your team faced, and what was your specific role in solving it?"

  • "What was the outcome? Did you save time, improve a process, or get a good grade?"

By asking these questions, you empower them to find the right words. You’re not just building a resume; you’re building their ability to articulate their value, a skill they will use for the rest of their career.

2. The Fixer: "I'll Just Make One Quick Call..."

• The Mistake: Your child hasn’t heard back after an interview, and the anxiety is palpable. You have a friend who works at the company, or you find the recruiter's name on LinkedIn, and you decide to send a quick email or make a call on their behalf to "check on the status" or "put in a good word."

• A Recruiter's Insight: This is the fastest way to hurt their chances. When a parent intervenes, it sends a clear message to the hiring team: this candidate lacks agency and professionalism. We immediately question their maturity and ability to navigate a corporate environment. The unspoken thought in every recruiter’s mind is, "If I have to communicate with their parents during the hiring process, what will happen when they’re an employee?" It undermines your child's candidacy, full stop.

• Do This Instead: Be the Flight Planner, not the pilot. Their career is their plane to fly. You can help them map out the route. Sit with them and help strategize. Role-play a professional follow-up call. Help them draft a concise, polite email to send. Give them the tools and the confidence to advocate for themselves. They may be nervous, but pushing through that fear is how resilience is built.

3. The Comparison Coach: "Did You Hear Sarah Got an Offer From..."

• The Mistake: You see your child's friends landing impressive internships on LinkedIn, and the panic sets in. You start forwarding every job posting you see and constantly ask about their progress in relation to their peers. "Your cousin got three offers already. What are you doing every day?"

• A Recruiter's Insight: We see the results daily: candidates apply for numerous jobs without genuine interest. Their generic interview answers reveal fear, not passion. Focused, genuinely interested candidates consistently outperform scattered, pressure-motivated ones.

• Do This Instead: Be a Curiosity Champion. Every person's career journey is unique. Your child's path doesn't need to look like anyone else's. Instead of fueling the comparison game, fuel their curiosity. Ask questions that help them look inward, not outward:

  • "What was the most interesting class you took this semester, and why?"

  • "If you could solve one problem for a company, what would it be?"

  • "Let’s forget about job titles for a minute. What kind of work makes you feel energized?"

  
  

This approach helps them build a career based on a foundation of self-awareness and intrinsic motivation, which is the true secret to long-term professional happiness and success.

Your role as a parent is shifting from manager and director to advisor and coach. By stepping back and empowering them to own their search, you're giving them a gift far more valuable than a polished resume, you're giving them the confidence and capability to build their own future.

This is just the beginning of the conversation. The journey from the classroom to a career is filled with nuances, unwritten rules, and insider knowledge. I’ve distilled 25 years of experience into my new book, "From HI to HIRED: Your Insider Guide to Internships," to give your student the playbook they need. For more articles and recruiter-tested advice, please visit hi2hired.com.